When Pain Becomes a Habit: Mental Health, Addiction & the High Cost of “Just One More”

We often think of addiction as a substance: alcohol, nicotine, pills. But here’s a less recognized truth: addiction can show up as patterns of behaviour, emotional spirals and relational wounds — consuming our mental health even when no one’s offering us a pill.

Consider the story of a woman (widely shared recently on Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook) who livestreamed herself in her wedding dress, grief-stricken after discovering her husband’s cheating. Every social-media clip frames it as betrayal and heartbreak — true enough. But step back, and you’ll see something more profound: the addiction to the drama, the escape through self-soothing behaviour, the emotional rumination.

Let’s unpack this together:

1. The addiction to being hurt

The woman’s cry in the wedding dress is heartbreak made visible. What if part of what keeps her frozen in that moment is the very act of being hurt? The pain becomes a lens through which identity is formed (“I am the betrayed one”), a habitual state we return to because it’s familiar, even as it’s toxic.

In psychology, we know that trauma can create “sticky” pathways in the brain. The more we replay the wound, the more we stay locked into the circuitry of shame, guilt, and anger. When someone says “I can’t stop thinking about what he did,” they’re describing the loop of trauma-reinforcement. The brain becomes, in a sense, addicted to that loop.

2. Escape via external drama

Infidelity doesn’t just hurt— it triggers a cascade: trust evaporates, identity shifts, self-worth takes a hit. The woman’s case illustrates how one betrayal can ripple outward: the streaming, the viral videos, the public spectacle. Trauma becomes public theatre. And there’s a hitch: the spectacle itself becomes an escape. Instead of dealing with the internal damage, the turmoil gets externalized, shouted into the void of social media, eliciting likes, reactions, and comments. These responses become a substitute for real healing. The buzz of attention might feel like validation — and we know how attention can become addictive.

3. Addiction to disconnection

When trust is broken, many retreat. They might avoid relationships, self-isolate, numb out. Those behaviours mirror what we call behavioural addiction: not necessarily substances, but coping mechanisms. Workaholism, binge-scrolling, emotional numbing, perfectionism – many of these are attempts to flee from the pain, the limbo, the “what now?” moment. In our story, the woman’s video is a cry for connection, for witnessing. But late at night, after the views fade or the next day’s feed rolls on, the emptiness remains. The problem isn’t just the

cheating; it’s how the aftermath is handled (or not handled).

4. Healing as a different kind of addiction

Here’s the hopeful part: recovery isn’t just quitting something. It’s building a new pattern strong enough to override the old habit. If the brain gets used to pain, numbness, or discomfort, it will resist quiet, healthy patterns. That’s why recovery takes repetition. Therapy, reflection, and small, consistent acts of self-care become the new “habit loop.”The woman’s story can be reframed: yes, she was betrayed — but that moment also offers a pivot point. She can choose to break the script: stop replaying the betrayal, stop letting it define her, stop using the wound as a billboard. She can choose to learn what her emotional system really needs: safety, boundaries, healthy coping, not just the drama of the reveal.

5. What this means for your mental health & workplace

In a professional context, addiction to heartbreak or drama shows up as burnout, relational toxicity, mistrust in teams, and inability to disconnect. Your “wedding-dress livestream” might look like over-checking email at 2 a.m., turning every workplace slight into personal betrayal, or never trusting a colleague because of one sneaky ex. Here are three actionable steps:

• Pause & notice the loop: When you catch yourself replaying a toxic moment, ask: “Am I returning to this because it’s familiar or because it’s necessary?”

• Replace with a healthy loop: Identify one small habit you can build — a 10-minute debrief after work, a conversation with someone you trust, journalling one joyous moment. Repeat it until the brain begins wiring a new default.

• Anchor in meaning, not spectacle: Instead of broadcasting your pain to get validation, invite in trusted relationships. Real healing often happens in private, not in comment threads and likes.

  
  

6. The bigger picture: Addiction beyond substances

The story of this woman is dramatic, but the underlying truth is shared widely: behaviours, emotional patterns, and relational chaos can hold as much addictive power as any substance. The neuroscience supports it: reward circuits, dopamine responses, habit-loops — they don’t care what the object is, only that the circuit is being activated repeatedly. In our careers, our relationships, our personal lives — the same rules apply. If something feels uncontrollably repetitive, if you’re stuck in “here we go again,” maybe ask: “Is this an addiction of a different kind?”

7. A call to courage

It takes courage to stare the loop in the face and say: “I’m done being defined by this.” It takes courage to seek help, admit the hurt, relinquish the narrative where you’re the victim of everything, and instead become the author of your next chapter. If you have a story where you’ve been hurt, betrayed, or addicted to the drama of your own life, you’re not alone. But you also don’t have to stay on that track. Recovery is possible. Growth is possible. What looks like a setback might be a pivot.

In closing: breakthrough isn’t a one-time explosion. It’s a million small decisions. Choosing coffee with a friend instead of scrolling. Choosing therapy instead of soothing via distraction. Choosing to update the tracker of your healing, instead of replaying the tracker of your pain.Because at the end of the day, the bravest thing you can do is show up for yourself. Not for the likes, not for the viral moment — for the long, messy, glorious work of becoming a person who is healed, whole, and free.